The Cake That Wouldn't...

Munch turned 2 a couple weeks back--and that's another very overdue blog post--and I wanted to make a cake for her like I did last year.  The catch:  Her friend Little A is very allergic to eggs, and her mother had promised to bring her to the small party we planned so the girls could celebrate together.  Not wanting my little guest to have to go without a goodie, I took it upon myself to bake an eggless cake.  I had a website that I'd used before with great success that listed proper substitution methods, so I figured I was set on that angle...it was just a matter of what kind of cake.

A's mama makes some very tasty eggless chocolate cakes, but Daddy isn't a chocolate fan, and we had already celebrated my own birthday with a very, very chocolate cake.  I don't really care for vanilla cakes, and, much as I do love carrot cakes, wasn't really in the mood.  So I decided to make another red velvet cake like I had last year, and lucky me, the boxed mixes and cream cheese frosting happened to be on sale that week.  All ingredients accounted for; idea of what I want the final cake to look like fixed in my mind; substitutions figured out...I was all set, or so I thought.  I even had a friend who wanted to come and keep me company during the little project.

Cake #1:  (you see where this is going, don't you?)
I began the day before Munch's party.  My friend was later than expected finishing up a morning outing she'd had, so I ended up starting the cake without her.  No problems on that field, and I told her to just come whenever she was able, and maybe she could at least help decorate, but I really wanted to get as much done as I could while Munch napped.  I started around 2 pm, and followed directions to a 'T', subbed out the egg ingredients for some baking powder, cider vinegar, and water, (and had a bit of fun with the chemical reaction, of course)...then put everything into an odd-sized round pan--I think it was 11 inches in diameter.  The box instructions listed basically everything BUT that size, but as I poured the batter in, I didn't feel as though it was too high--and I've baked a few cakes, after all!  So I slid the pan into the oven, and started cleaning up.

10 minutes later, I checked to see how things were coming along...and discovered a HORRIFYING mess--the cake was bubbling over like nothing I've ever seen.  I quickly, but much too belatedly, slid a cookie sheet under the pan to try to catch those drips, in the hopes that I could still somehow save the cake, but after only a minute or two, I knew that was just not going to work.  Thankfully, it was a nice day...off went the smoking oven, up went the windows, open went the back door, and on went kitchen fan.  I quickly cleared the sink, and somehow managed to get the cookie sheet, oven rack, and overflowing pan all out of the oven and into the sink in one piece, leaving nary a drip on the floor.

Then I called my friend...earlier, when we'd decided to bake together, I'd offered with a phrase that went something like,"Wanna come help bake a cake?"  So now, a mere 20 minutes or so since we'd last spoken and I'd gotten her eta, my question to her was, "Wanna come help clean my oven and bake another cake?"  She groaned, "What did you do??"  But of course she came.  She's a good friend. :)

Cake #2:
So now my free time with a napping Munch, the perfect opportunity to bake, was shot, and I had to wait until she woke before doing anything else.  That didn't take long, and soon she and I and my friend were off to the store to pick up another box of red velvet mix, more baking powder, some oven cleaner, and a couple other odds and ends.  My friend loaned me her 2 9-in pans, so at least this time I had a 'proper' size to bake with.

We got to my place and then discovered that the 'fume-free' cleaner I'd picked up took 2 hours to work.  Um, no, NOT gonna work.  But at least the oven wasn't as bad as we'd expected.  The stuff prettymuch just wiped right off, and we were prepping to bake again in no time.  Again I made the egg sub, this time with oil instead of vinegar, because I didn't know how much that had played a part in the over-rising...Then I poured the batter into the 2 pans, and put them in the oven with no little trepidation.  They rose nicely as they baked, but by the end had gone flat in the center.  Oh well, we reasoned, we can always fill that with some frosting, and it won't really hurt the cake.  We took them out to cool.

But then it came time to remove them from the pans, and I realized that I'd made yet another awful mistake.  Non-stick pans or not, the instructions had been very specific about the need to grease and flour the pans, which I had completely forgotten to do.  Those cakes were stuck, and stuck fast.  There was no way they were coming out as even a decent part of a whole, and we ended up just digging in and eating from the pans, right then and there.  My friend offered to go back to the store with me to pick up another box mix, but I'd had it with shopping and essentially wasting money.  I decided I would find a 'from scratch' recipe online--I had all the basic baking ingredients, after all, including cocoa.  We ended up putting what we didn't eat of this second attempt into a container--we could at least eat the stuff on its own later, even if we couldn't make a cake out of it.  Then my friend went home, and I waited for Munch's bedtime (7pm) before trying what would become my third attempt...

Cake #3:
I found a recipe online without too much difficulty, checked and rechecked that I had enough of all the ingredients, and printed it off, with the ingredients listed on one side of the paper, and the instructions on the other (just how the page was willing to be printed...).  Then I set to work, making DEAD SURE this time that I greased and floured those pans.  I mixed the batter, then poured it all into the 2 pans.  I noticed that it looked a bit odd--but a rereading of the instructions assured me that I hadn't missed anything, so I chalked it up to it being a 'from scratch' recipe, and stuck the pans in the oven.

Something was nagging at me though, so a minute or so later, I looked at the ingredients' side of the paper...and the listing for sugar leapt out upon me as I realized that THERE WAS NO SUGAR IN MY CAKE!!  Another quick look at the instructions confirmed that the author had totally missed telling me when to add the sugar, so I'd totally missed adding it!  I had those cakes out of the oven quicker than you can read this sentence, let me assure you.  I let them cool briefly (they were still quite liquid, of course), then poured them back in the mixing bowl, added the darn sweet stuff, mixed it in (and remarkably, the batter looked normal after that!), then REGREASED and REFLOURED those cake pans AGAIN.  THIS time, nothing could go wrong.  RIGHT?!!?!

They came out flat again.  "Whatever", was all I could say, "Just let me get them out of the pan, and I'll deal with it."  Nope.  They were stuck fast.  Again.  Despite my greasing.  Despite my flouring.  Despite everything.

I threw my oven mitt across the room.  I screamed.  Then I stomped out of the kitchen and went to the livingroom for a good cry-fest.  And, childish or not, I still hold that I was fully entitled to do so, too.

Daddy went quietly into the kitchen at this point, and he fiddled and he fuddled with the cakes for a bit--and being much less emotionally invested in the project, he was able to do what I simply could not do anymore.  He managed, albeit messily, to get those cakes out of those pans, more or less in one piece, and then he came and got me, and showed me his work.  It was now about 9 pm.  I was grateful.  But we both knew that they had to get frosted if they were going to hold together at all, which meant I had to let them cool completely, and then frost, before I could get some rest...

Miraculously, when it came time to frost, I was able to transfer the lesser-damaged one to a plate without significant loss.  I added some of the saved Cake #2 to the center to build it up, and put a thick crumb coat over both that first layer, and the second one.  The frosting went on very smoothly...microwaving prepared frosting is the most wonderful, life-and-cake-saving trick I've ever learned.  But I still didn't go to bed until sometime past 11, having devoted literally my entire afternoon and evening to making a cake that should have taken, at most, a couple of hours.  My house was still a mess, and the party was supposed to start at 4 the next afternoon, leaving me with a scant 3 hours (since we had church in the morning) to decorate this cake, clean the whole house, prepare the dinner, and feed and care for my little Birthday Girl in the meantime...  But somehow, it all got done.  And the cake...well, it's a long shot from being my finest creation ever...but at least it looks pretty, and it *was* edible... ;)

But...the story doesn't *quite* end there...

You see...

After all that drama...

After all that time spent...

After all that frustration...

Little A ended up not able to come to the party after all...Her parents had to cancel the morning of.

Now, I know some of you may be thinking it, so say it with me...

"Uffda."

But hey, at least I learned what it really means to go eggless.  I'm so glad I didn't end up a vegan. :P